First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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