The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
