im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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