apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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