Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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