I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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