Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
