Where did you get a picture of my penis
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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