I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
