Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
