Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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