So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
