I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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