Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize