Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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