i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
