That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
