just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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