I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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