I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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