My friends, they love my intelligence
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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