so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
