What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
