I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
