Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
