My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
40s are totally the cure
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
