HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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