He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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