I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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