I feel great
I just peed on a car
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
