How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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