like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
