If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
