Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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