Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
