Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
