we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize