I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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