shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm like, not good at living.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
