Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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