I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Boobs are out for the taking
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
