true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize