My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
even my farts smell like vagina
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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