weddingsv make me drug and hornr
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
