Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
birth control should be required to get into college
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
