i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
