Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize