I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
love makes seman taste better
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
