I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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