the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I believe in your delicious
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
