I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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