Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
