Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
