AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
