So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
