I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
