He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize