just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize