3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
