So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
