Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
