he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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