Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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