I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
