I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
