At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
