I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
