you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
