oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
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