I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
