Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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