Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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