i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
