Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I touched a dick in church today
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
